Lost in Facebook
by Violet Scarlet Lily
Summary: All our favorite Losties have Facebook! ...somehow. It's a little bit OoC or exaggerated sometimes, but it's fun. See the story of Lost through incessant commenting, liking, and status-posting. Written by Lily!
1. Chapter 1: Season 1, Part 1

_Hey everybody! So I decided to see what would happen if the Lostaways got Facebook! Hope you like it! And I know there's no dislike button in Facebook - there should be!  
_

**Jack Shepherd **is now friends with **Kate Austen **and forty-five others.

** John Locke **dislikes this.

**John Locke – Jack Shepherd: **Why didn't you friend me?

** Boone Carlyle **likes this.

**Jack Shepherd – John Locke: **You're a threat to my leadership/hero syndrome.

** Charlie Pace **and six others like this.

**Charlie Pace – Kate Austen: **Do you find me heroic?

**Kate Austen – Charlie Pace: **No, I find you heroin addict.

** Sawyer **likes this.

**Sawyer – Kate Austen**: Hey, Freckles! Your profile picture is HOT.

**Kate Austen – Sawyer: **Back off, cowboy.

**Claire Littleton, Sayid Jarrah, **and **everyone else important **are in a plane crash.

**Shannon Rutherford **has listed **Boone Carlyle **as her brother.

**Boone Carlyle – Shannon Rutherford: **Now everyone knows we're siblings! Thereby ruining my incestuous intentions! Did you HAVE to do that?

**Shannon Rutherford – Boone Carlyle: **Yes. The Arab guy is hotter than you.

** Boone Carlyle **dislikes this.

** Sayid Jarrah **and five others like this.

**Sayid Jarrah **is using a strange French message as a ruse to flirt with **Shannon Rutherford.**

**The Timeline **is wildly messed up.

**Claire Littleton **is pregnant.

**Charlie Pace – Claire Littleton: **No offense, love, but I think we all knew that already.

**Claire Littleton – Charlie Pace: **Just go away and let me wallow in peace, please.

**Charlie Pace – Claire Littleton: **How about I bring you a blanket instead?

**Claire Littleton – Charlie Pace: **Works for me.

**Claire Littleton **thinks she might like **Charlie Pace.**

** Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **and seven others like this.

** Ethan Rom **and **The Smoke Monster** dislike this.

**Charlie Pace **is in withdrawal.

** John Locke **likes this.

**Charlie Pace – John Locke: **Not cool, man.

**John Locke – Charlie Pace: **Hey, at least you're not using. It wasn't your destiny to die of overdose.

** Sawyer **likes this.

** Charlie Pace **dislikes this.

** John Locke has commented.**

** John Locke: **Trust me, Charlie. Druggies don't get the girl.

** Sawyer: **I'm with Mr. Clean. The exception is when they're pregnant girls.

** Claire Littleton **dislikes this.

**Jack Shepherd – Kate Austen: **I think we should go on some kind of expedition together.

** Jack Shepherd **and **Kate Austen **are attending event **Random Expedition Which There Will Be Many More Of Before The End.**

** Sawyer** dislikes this.

**John Locke **is now friends with **The Island, Rose Henderson, **and **The Monster**.

**Michael Dawson **is now friends with **Walt Lloyd, Sun-Hwa Kwon, **and **Jack Shepherd.**

** Walt Lloyd **has un-friended **Michael Dawson**.

**Walt Lloyd **is now friends with **John Locke.**

**Michael Dawson – John Locke: **Stay away from my boy, you creepy child molester!

** John Locke **and **Walt Lloyd **dislike this.

** Sawyer **likes this.

** Sawyer **has commented.

** Sawyer: **You tell 'im, Mike!

**Michael Dawson **and **Sun-Hwa Kwon **are attending event **Awkward Encounter.**

**Kate Austen **has changed her relationship status from single to It's complicated with **Jack Shepherd **and **Sawyer**.

** Sawyer **and **Jack Shepherd **dislike this.

** Sawyer **has un-friended **Jack Shepherd.**

**Jin-Soo Kwon **has joined Facebook.

**Sun-Hwa Kwon **has quickly changed her relationship status from single to married to Jin Soo-Kwon.

**Charlie Pace **is now friends with **Claire Littleton, Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes, **and forty others.

** Ethan Rom **dislikes this.

** Charlie Pace **has un-friended **Ethan Rom**.

** Claire Littleton **likes this.

**Shannon Rutherford **is tanning.

**Sun Hwa-Kwon **is being a REBELLIOUS WIFE! MUHAHAHA! Unbuttoning the top button ftw.

**Charlie Pace **and **Claire Littleton **are currently attending event **Sharing The Imaginary Peanut Butter.**

** The Audience **likes this.

** The Audience **has commented.

** The Audience: **Awwwwwwww! So cute!

**Walt Lloyd **is trying to avoid his dad. Yuck. Debating which is worse – Dad or playing backgammon with **Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes. **

** Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **dislikes this.

** John Locke **likes this.

** John Locke **has commented.

** John Locke: **Come play backgammon with_ me_…

**Michael Dawson **and **The Audience **are significantly disturbed.

**Charlie Pace **and **Claire Littleton **are currently attending event **Being Kidnapped by Ethan Rom**

**John Locke **has created the page **In Love With the Island And Trying To Open The Hatch.**

** Boone Carlyle **likes the page **In Love With the Island And Trying To Open The Hatch.**

** Jack Shepherd **dislikes this page.

** Jack Shepherd **has commented.

** Jack Shepherd: **We need to do this in the ways of science, you man of faith! Someone could get hurt.

** The Island: ****cough, cough** foreshadowing

**Charlie Pace **is hanging from a tree and wondering how **The Island **has Facebook.

** Ethan Rom, The Smoke Monster, **and one other like this.

**Jack Shepherd **and **Kate Austen **are currently attending event **Saving Charlie's Life.**

** Sawyer **dislikes this.

**Charlie Pace – Sawyer: **Don't you want me to live?

**Sawyer – Charlie Pace: **Of course, Reject From VH1 Has-Beens, I just don't like that Freckles and Doctor Do-Right are saving your life_ together_.

**Charlie Pace – Sawyer: **Someone's jealous! *cheeky smile*

**Sawyer – Charlie Pace: **Shut up, you limey runt!

**Charlie Pace **is not dead.

** Ethan Rom **has commented.

** Ethan Rom: **Dang it.

** Charlie Pace **dislikes this.

**Charlie Pace **is depressed and wanting **Claire Littleton **to come back.

** Rose Henderson **has commented.

** Rose Henderson: **Don't worry, honey, she'll be back.

**Boone Carlyle **and **John Locke **are currently attending event **We Have Found Claire Littleton.**

** Charlie Pace **likes this.

** Ethan Rom, Ben Linus, The Island, The Smoke Monster, **and various **Others **dislike this.

**Ethan Rom **has joined the group **The Others.**

**Jack Shepherd, Kate Austen, Sawyer, John Locke, **and **Sayid Jarrah **have joined the group **The A-Team.**

**Charlie Pace, Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes, Sawyer, **and **Claire Littleton **have joined the group **Everyone's Favorite Characters.**

**Jack Shepherd, Kate Austen, Sawyer, John Locke, Walt Lloyd, Boone Carlyle, Shannon Rutherford, Charlie Pace, Michael Dawson, Sun-Hwa Kwon, Jin-Soo Kwon, Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes, **and **Claire Littleton **have joined the group **People Who Have Daddy Issues.**

**Jack Shepherd – Charlie Pace: **What the heck are your daddy issues?

**Charlie Pace – Jack Shepherd: **My dad wanted me to be a butcher, ok? I think that qualifies! I am a REBEL.

** Sawyer **has commented.

** Sawyer: **Sure, Oliver Twist, sure…

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Michael Dawson: **Dude…you don't have daddy issues.

**Michael Dawson – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **I have issues _being _a daddy. It counts.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Michael Dawson: **…..

**Claire Littleton – Jack Shepherd: **I think we might have similar daddy issues.

**Jack Shepherd – Claire Littleton: **Yeah right. Like that's gonna happen.

**Shannon Rutherford **is still tanning. Lol! I guess there is an upside to being here. Tanning and the Arab guy.

** Sayid Jarrrah **likes this.

**Claire Littleton **has temporary amnesia.

** Charlie Pace **dislikes this.

** Charlie Pace **has commented.

** Charlie Pace: **You don't remember anything? Not even peanut butter?

** Claire Littleton: **Nope. Are you stalking me?

** Charlie Pace: **Here's your diary. READ IT AND REMEMBER.

**Claire Littleton **is significantly confused by the cute British guy.

** Charlie Pace **has commented.

** Charlie Pace: **I'm not sure whether to dislike this because you are confused by me or to like this because you called me cute.

** Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **Like it, dude.

** Sawyer: **Make your move, Jiminy Cricket.

**Shannon Rutherford **is having an asthma attack.

**Sayid Jarrah, John Locke, **and **Jack Shepherd **are currently attending event **Torturing Sawyer to Get Inhalers.**

** Sawyer **and **Kate Austen **dislike this.

** Kate Austen **has commented.

** Kate Austen: **Guys, let me take care of this. I can get the inhalers.

** Sayid Jarrah: **So long as the hot blonde girl lives, take whatever measures necessary.

** Jack Shepherd: **Not WHATEVER measures…

** Sayid Jarrah: **YES WHATEVER MEASURES

**Kate Austen **is currently attending event **Making Out With Sawyer**

** Jack Shepherd **and **Kate's Dead Childhood Sweetheart Tom **dislike this.

** Sawyer **likes this.

** Kate Austen **has commented.

** Kate Austen: **So…where are the inhalers?

** Sawyer:** Er…about that…

** Kate Austen: **You don't have them?

** Sawyer: **Nope. Sorry Puddin'.

**Jack Shepherd **is about to get very, _very, VERY _angry. At someone who was kissing his girlfriend…

** Kate Austen **has commented.

** Kate Austen: **Um…I'm not your girlfriend. This is a love _triangle_, remember? That means by definition someone else is involved. The writers are going to keep this going all the way until the end, so you better get that straight now.

** Jack Shepherd: **I'm not so sure I'm keen on this whole love triangle business.

**Claire Littleton **is having strange (possibly romantic) dreams about Charlie the cute British guy.

** Charlie Pace **likes this.

** Ethan Rom **dislikes this.

**Claire Littleton **and the group **The A-Team **are currently attending the event **Capturing Ethan Rom.**

**Charlie Pace **is secretly attending the event **Capturing Ethan Rom.**

**Charlie Pace **just killed **Ethan Rom.**

The group **The A-Team **dislikes this.

** Claire Littleton, Scott (deceased), **and two others like this.

**Michael Dawson **is building a raft, man!

**Jin Soo-Kwon **and **Sun Hwa-Kwon **have changed their marriage relationship status to It's complicated.

**Jin Soo-Kwon **is fighting with **Michael Dawson.**

** Sun Hwa-Kwon **dislikes this.

**Jin Soo-Kwon **has reconciled with **Michael Dawson.**

**The Raft **has been burnt!

_I think that pretty much covers the first three quarters of Season One. Expect these to get more elaborate as time goes by. Hope you enjoyed it! Review and tell me! Love always, Lily  
_


	2. Chapter 2: Season 1, Part 2

_Hey everybody! Here's the rest of Season 1 - as told through our favorite internet phenomenon, FACEBOOK! :) hehe. I made it more detailed this time :) Hope it amuses you.  
_

**Sun-Hwa Kwon **speaks English!

** Jin-Soo Kwon **dislikes this

**Jack Shepherd, Kate Austen, **and forty-four others like this.

**Claire Littleton **remembers peanut butter!

**Charlie Pace **likes this.

**Walt Lloyd – John Locke: **I have to tell you something.

**John Locke – Walt Lloyd: **Go ahead, my small child.

**Walt Lloyd – John Locke: **I burnt the raft.

**Michael Dawson, Jin-Soo Kown, **and **Sawyer **dislike this.

** Walt Lloyd **has commented.

**Walt Lloyd: **How are you guys intercepting my private messages? It's supposed to be a SECRET that I burnt the raft.

**Sawyer: **Nothing is secret if you post it on Facebook, six year old!

**Walt Lloyd **has liked the page **In Love With The Island and Trying To Open The Hatch.**

** Michael Dawson **dislikes this.

**Sun-Hwa Kwon – Jin-Soo Kwon: **Can we please start over – go back to those moments when you used to just give me a limp little flower?

**Jin-Soo Kwon – Sun-Hwa Kwon**: 아니, 우리는 수 없습니다. 그리고 영어를 중지 - 그것은 외설적인이야!

**Sun-Hwa Kwon **has commented.

**Sun-Hwa Kwon: **For everyone, I can translate what Jin says. He said 'No we can't. And stop speaking English – it's indecent!'

**Fate **has created the page **The Numbers.**

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes, Desmond Hume, **and **Danielle Rousseau **dislike this page.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Danielle Rousseau: **Hey, French chick – dude, do you think **The Numbers **are cursed?

**Danielle Rousseau – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **They must be.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **and **Danielle Rousseau **are currently attending event **Hugging It Out.**

**John Locke** is losing feeling in his legs.

** Boone Carlyle **dislikes this.

**Boone Carlyle **has commented.

** Boone Carlyle: **Locke, don't fail me now!

**Shannon Rutherford: **First you are in love with me, and now you have a new boyfriend. I'm afraid to see what goes on in your mind…

**Boone Carlyle: **I hate you so much sometimes.

**John Locke **and **Boone Carlyle **are currently attending event **There Is An Old Plane In the Jungle – It Must Be Fate Trying To Help Us Open the Hatch!**

** Charlie Pace **has commented.

** Charlie Pace: **That is a ridiculously long name for an event, guys.

**Boone Carlyle: **WE'RE THE SURVIVORS OF OCEANIC FLIGHT 815!

**Bernard Nadler: **No, WE'RE the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815.

**Boone Carlyle **is falling and being crushed by metal!

**Shannon Rutherford **dislikes this.

**John Locke **is going to go hide so no one knows his charlie horse inadvertently killed Boone.

**Jack Shepherd, Michael Dawson, Sun-Hwa Kwon, **and **Charlie Pace **are currently attending event **Saving Boone Carlyle's Life (Or Attempting To).**

**Jack Shepherd **has commented.

**Jack Shepherd: **Ok, Michael, stand around so we can have epic lines later. Sun, stand here and help me do doctor things! Charlie, go find out everyone's blood type so we can do a blood transfusion!

**Sun-Hwa Kwon: **What will you use for blood transfusion?

**Jack Shepherd: **I'll need a piece of silly string, a stick of bamboo, someone with type AB blood, and some silly straws.

**Charlie Pace: **Mate, I'm an ex-heroin addict and part of DriveSHAFT (You all everybody!), and even _I _know that type AB can only donate to type AB. You need a type O person.

**Jack Shepherd: **Stop making me look stupid! Kate might see!

**Sun-Hwa Kwon: **Ok, I'll get working.

**Jin-Soo Kwon: **당신은 이상한 눈썹 '생활 그 사람을 저장할 수 없습니다! 그는 셔츠를 입고 있지 않다! 이것은 추잡한입니다!

**Sun-Hwa Kwon: **Translation: You can't save the man with strange eyebrows' life! He's not wearing a shirt! This is indecent!

** Charlie Pace: **No one knows their blood type. His sister could donate – but I couldn't find her anywhere!

**Shannon Rutherford **and **Sayid Jarrah **are currently attending event **Romantic Candlelit Dinner.**

** Charlie Pace **has commented.

**Charlie Pace: **Shannon, we need you to save your brother!

**Shannon Rutherford: **Whatever.

**Claire Littleton **is in labor.

**Charlie Pace **has commented.

**Charlie Pace: **I'm coming, love!

**Charlie Pace, Jin-Soo Kwon, Kate Austen, **and **Claire Littleton **are currently attending event **Claire Is Having Her Baby.**

**Charlie Pace **is pacing about with near-frantic levels of concern. He looks strangely husband-like as he worries for **Claire Littleton.**

** The Audience **has commented.

**The Audience: **Awwwwww…

**Sun-Hwa Kwon **and **Jack Shepherd **are currently attending event **Blood Transfusion for Boone Carlyle.**

The Event **Blood Transfusion for Boone Carlyle **has failed.

**Jack Shepherd, Sun-Hwa Kwon, **and **Boone Carlyle **dislike this.

**Jack Shepherd **and **Michael Dawson** are currently attending event **We Are About to Amputate on Boone Carlyle.**

** Boone Carlyle** dislikes this.

**Boone Carlyle **has commented.

**Boone Carlyle: **It's my time to go. Don't even try.

**John Locke: **That's right, Boone. You are a sacrifice the island demands.

**Jack Shepherd: **No NO! I MUST FIX THINGS! I MUST! FIX FIX FIX!

**Charlie Pace: **Did someone say fix?

**Jack Shepherd: **Not that kind of fix, Charlie.

**Boone Carlyle: **Locke…hatch…mysterious hatch…must open hatch…

**Jack Shepherd: **What are you talking about?

**Michael Dawson: **Does this mean we aren't operating?

**Sun-Hwa Kwon: **I guess so…

**Boone Carlyle: ***cough, cough* *spasm, spasm* Shannon…

**Boone Carlyle **has changed his life status to deceased.

**Boone Carlyle (deceased)** will return for various flashbacks and drug-induced hallucinations throughout the rest of the series.

**Claire Littleton** has given birth to **A Baby Boy.**

**Claire Littleton **has changed her relationship status with **A Baby Boy **to mother-son.

**Charlie Pace **has changed his relationship status with **A Baby Boy **to surrogate father-surrogate son.

**Claire Littleton – Charlie Pace: **That's either insanely adorable or druggily terrifying.

**Charlie Pace – Claire Littleton: **Let's go with the first one.

**Everyone Important Except Locke **are currently attending event **Boone's Funeral.**

**John Locke **has arrived at the event **Boone's Funeral.**

**Jack Shepherd **is attacking **John Locke.**

** Shannon Rutherford **likes this.

**Boone Carlyle (deceased) **dislikes this.

**Shannon Rutherford **is moping. NO ONE CAN COMFORT ME!

**John Locke – Shannon Rutherford: **Please forgive me. I didn't mean to have a charlie horse. I'm sorry for having one.

**Shannon Rutherford – John Locke: **You're sorry for having a charlie horse but not sorry for killing my brother!

**John Locke – Shannon Rutherford: **Yup. Not sorry for that. HE WAS A SACRIFICE THE ISLAND DEMANDED!

**The Island **and **The Smoke Monster **like this.

**Jack Shepherd **dislikes this.

**Shannon Rutherford **needs a gun. MUST KILL JOHN LOCKE FOR KILLING MY INCESTUOUS BROTHER!

**John Locke **dislikes this.

**Shannon Rutherford, John Locke, **and **Sayid Jarrah **are currently attending event **Shannon Is Trying To Kill Locke.**

**Sayid Jarrah **has prevented **Shannon Rutherford **from killing **John Locke.**

**John Locke **likes this.

**Shannon Rutherford **dislikes this.

**Sayid Jarrah, John Locke, **and **Jack Shepherd **are currently attending the event **Showing Jack The Hatch.**

**John Locke **and **Boone Carlyle (deceased) **have just created the page **The Hatch!**

** Jack Shepherd **and **Desmond Hume **dislike this page.

**Ben Linus **and various **Others **like this page.

**Jack Shepherd **wants to open **The Hatch.**

**Walt Lloyd **is warning **John Locke **not to open **The Hatch.**

** Michael Dawson **has commented.

** Michael Dawson: **I told you not to talk to the child molester, man!

**John Locke: **Who told **Walt Lloyd **about **The Hatch?**

** Walt Lloyd: **I know things.

**The Hatch, The Island, **the group **The Others**, and **The Smoke Monster **like the page **The Numbers.**

**Kate Austen **wants a place on **The Second Raft.**

**The Second Raft **is full.

**Michael Dawson **is poisoned!

**Everyone **blames **Sawyer.**

** Sawyer **has commented.

**Sawyer: **Not cool, Losties!

**Michael Dawson **is kicking **Sawyer **off of **The Second Raft.**

** Sawyer **dislikes this.

**Kate Austen **has taken **Sawyer's **place on **The Second Raft.**

** Jack Shepherd **dislikes this.

**Jack Shepherd **has commented.

** Jack Shepherd: **Kate, don't you want to stay here with meeeeee?

**Kate Austen: **I want to leave and steal Joanna's identity.

**Sawyer **is TICKED OFF.

No one likes this.

**Sawyer **and **Everyone **are currently attending event **Making a Vindictive, Revealing, and Important Announcement To Everyone.**

**Sawyer – Everyone: **KATE IS A FUGITIVE! YOU DON'T WANT HER ON YOUR DANG RAFT!

**Kate Austen **dislikes this.

**Everyone Except For Kate Austen, Jack Shepherd, and Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **is STUNNED.

**Sawyer **has regained his place on **The Second Raft.**

** Sawyer **likes this.

**Kate Austen **dislikes this.

**Walt Lloyd – Michael Dawson: **Umm…Dad?

**Michael Dawson – Walt Lloyd: **Wassup man?

**Walt Lloyd – Michael Dawson: **I burnt **The First Raft.**

**Michael Dawson – Walt Lloyd: **You know everyone already knew that because you posted that on John Locke's wall, right?

**Walt Lloyd – Michael Dawson: **You're ruining this dramatic reconciliation moment.

**Michael Dawson – Walt Lloyd: **Ok, that's cool, man. Why'd you do it?

**Walt Lloyd – Michael Dawson: **I liked it here. But now I'm going to mysteriously insist that we must leave ASAP.

**Michael Dawson – Walt Lloyd: **Umm…ok, man.

** John Locke **has commented.

**John Locke: **I dislike your reconciliation with your father, Walt.

**Sun-Hwa Kwon – Jack Shepherd: **The poison wasn't meant for Michael…

**Jack Shepherd – Sun-Hwa Kwon: **What do you mean?

**Sun-Hwa Kwon – Jack Shepherd: **I was trying to poison my husband so that he'd stay here on this island with meeeeeeeeeeeee…

**Jack Shepherd – Sun-Hwa Kwon: **Ok. It's fine. We all forgive you.

**Jin-Soo Kwon **has commented.

**Jin-Soo Kwon: **우리는 당신을 용서하지 마십시오!

**Sun-Hwa Kwon: **Translation: We do not forgive you!

**Michael Dawson: **I agree with Jin. Man, that ain't cool that you poisoned me.

**Kate Austen – Sun-Hwa Kwon: **You didn't tell Jack that I was involved, did you? That would mess up my love triangle.

**Sun-Hwa Kwon – Kate Austen: **Nope, I would never betray you.

**Kate Austen **likes this.

**Michael Dawson, Jin-Soo Kwon, Walt Lloyd, **and **Sawyer **are leaving **The Island **on **The Second Raft.**

** Sawyer **likes this.

**Sawyer **is now friends with **Michael Dawson, Jin-Soo Kwon, **and **Walt Lloyd.**

**Danielle Rousseau **has arrived at **The Survivors' Camp!**

**Danielle Rousseau – Everyone: **THE OTHERS ARE COMING TO KIDNAP YOUR CHILDREN!

** Walt Lloyd, Michael Dawson, A Baby Boy, Charlie Pace, **and **Claire Littleton **dislike this.

**Charlie Pace – Claire Littleton: **Don't worry, I'll protect you and Turnip Head.

**Jack Shepherd, Sayid Jarrah, **and **John Locke – Danielle Rousseau: **We need to open the Hatch! We need dynamite! Can you help?

**Danielle Rousseau – Jack Shepherd, Sayid Jarrah, **and **John Locke: **We can go to…_The Black Rock._

**The A-Team minus Sawyer, plus Danielle Rousseau, Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes, and Dr. Arzt **are currently attending the event **Getting Dynamite From The Black Rock.**

**Walt Lloyd **has gifted **Vincent the Dog **to **Shannon Rutherford.**

**Charlie Pace **is collecting messages to put in a bottle.

**Rousseau **has abandoned the event **Getting Dynamite From The Black Rock.**

**Dr. Arzt **is handling dynamite.

**Dr. Arzt **has exploded.

** The Audience **likes this.

** The A-Team minus Sawyer, plus Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **dislikes this.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Jack Shepherd: **Dude, you have a piece of Arzt on you.

**The Audience **likes this.

**Danielle Rousseau – Claire Littleton: **May I hold your baby?

**Claire Littleton – Danielle Rousseau: **No.

**Danielle Rousseau **has kidnapped **A Baby Boy!**

**Claire Littleton **and **Charlie Pace **dislike this.

**Claire Littleton – Charlie Pace: **Go save my baby – er – AARON. Go save him, cute British rock star!

**Charlie Pace – Claire Littleton: **Anything for you, love.

**Claire Littleton **has renamed **A Baby Boy **to **Aaron Littleton.**

** Charlie Pace **likes this.

**Charlie Pace **and **Sayid Jarrah **are currently attending event **Rescuing Aaron Littleton.**

** Claire Littleton **likes this.

**Charlie Pace – Sayid Jarrah: **Uh, Sayid, what's in that plane?

**Sayid Jarrah – Charlie Pace: **HEROIN…

**The Audience **dislikes this.

**Charlie Pace **has secretly taken some heroin from the plane that killed **Boone Carlyle (deceased).**

**The Audience **has commented.

**The Audience: **NOOOOOOO!

**Charlie Pace **has had his head severely injured by **Danielle Rousseau's **trap.

**Sayid Jarrah **has commented.

**Sayid Jarrah: **Go back, Charlie.

**Charlie Pace: **Not without Aaron.

**Sayid Jarrah: **I suppose I shall have to light your head on fire then.

**Charlie Pace: **Maybe this will feel like getting high…

**Charlie Pace **has officially realized that having your head lit on fire is nothing like getting high.

**Sayid Jarrah **and **Charlie Pace **have retaken **Aaron Littleton **from **Danielle Rousseau.**

** Danielle Rousseau **has commented.

**Danielle Rousseau: **I just wanted my Alex back…

**Alex Linus: **Hey, my name's Alex!

**Ben Linus: **Shut up, Alex, you're spoiling the third season.

**Alex Linus: **Sorry…

**Jack Shepherd **is arguing with **John Locke **about opening **The Hatch.**

**The Hatch **has been blown open!

**The Second Raft **has encountered a strange boat!

**Tom Friendly **has commented.

**Tom Friendly: **Never mind my fake beard as I eerily demand the boy from you.

**Michael Dawson: **Like heck you'll take my boy.

**Various Others **have shot **Sawyer!**

**Various Others **have kidnapped **Walt Lloyd!**

**Various Others **have destroyed** The Second Raft!**

** Michael Dawson **has commented.

**Michael Dawson: **_WAAAAALLLLLTTTT_!

** Sawyer: **Oh boy, here we go.

_Expect many more WAAAAAAALLLLTTTTTTTTs in the future :) hence Sawyer's 'here we go'. :) I'm really excited to do this with the Tailies. Review and tell me what you thought of this chapter! I will love you forever! Love always, Lily_


	3. 2x1: Man of Science, Man of Faith

****Hey everybody! Lost In Facebook has a new format - a chapter for every episode. So without further ado, here is 2x1: Man of Science, Man of Faith.

* * *

**Deep Voiced Guy: **_Previously, on __Lost In Facebook:_

**John Locke **and **Jack Shephard **are currently attending event **We're Blowing Open The Hatch!**

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **dislikes this.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **has commented.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **DON'T DO IT DUDE! THE NUMBERS ARE ON THE HATCH! THE NUMBERS ARE BAD THE NUMBERS ARE BAD THE NUMBERS ARE BAD!

**John Locke: **This is my destiny. I must open the hatch. DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN'T DO!

**John Locke **is currently attending event **Lighting the Dynamite Fuse.**

* * *

**Desmond Hume **has liked the song Make Your Own Kind Of Music.

**Desmond Hume **is currently attending event **Pressing The Numbers Into The Apple II Computer.**

** Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **dislikes this.

**John Locke **and **Mr. Eko **like this.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **has commented.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes**: THE NUMBERS ARE BAD THE NUMBERS ARE BAD THE NUMBERS ARE BAD!

**Desmond Hume's **house is shaking, brotha!

**Desmond Hume **is getting a gun.

**The Hatch Door **has blown up!

**John Locke **and **Desmond Hume **like this.

**Jack Shephard **and **John Locke **are looking down **The Hatch.**

** Jack Shephard **has commented.

**Jack Shephard: **Ok, I'm going to be heroic and take charge here.

**John Locke: ****rolls eyes**

**Jack Shephard: **This is SCARY. We're not going to do ANYTHING until the sun comes up.

**John Locke: **You have to have faith, Jack.

**Jack Shephard: **I don't have FAITH! I have SCIENCE! I am a man of SCIENCE! LIVE TOGETHER DIE ALONE!

**John Locke: **...

**The Audience: **Wait a minute…live together die alone doesn't happen til later this episode, right?

**Jack Shephard: **Stop ruining my epic moments, ok?

**The Hatch **has the word QUARANTINE written on the back of its door.

**Kate Austen **dislikes this.

**Shannon Rutherford **and **Sayid Jarrah **are currently attending event **Looking for Vincent.**

** Vincent **likes this.

**Shannon Rutherford **has been separated from **Sayid Jarrah!**

** Boone Carlyle (deceased) **likes this.

** Sayid Jarrah, Shannon Rutherford, **and **Vincent **dislike this.

**Walt Lloyd (missing) **has joined the event **Looking for Vincent!**

**Shannon Rutherford **is seeing a wet **Walt Lloyd (missing).**

** Walt Lloyd (missing) **has commented.

**Walt Lloyd (missing): **Nottub eht hsup t'nod. Dab Nottub.

**Shannon Rutherford: **What? YOU'RE SCARING ME! **sob**

**The Superfans: **If you play what he said backwards, he says "Don't push the button. Button bad!"

**The Normal Fans: **O-kay…some people need lives.

**The Superfans: **Hey, I'm not the one who's on Lost Facebook, ok?

**The Reader: **…what?

**Shannon Rutherford **is lying on the ground.

**Walt Lloyd (missing) **has left the event **Looking for Vincent.**

**Sayid Jarrah **has found **Shannon Rutherford!**

** Shannon Rutherford **likes this.

**Shannon Rutherford **has commented.

**Shannon Rutherford: **I SAW WALT.

**Sayid Jarrah: **You were dreaming Shannon.

**Shannon Rutherford: **NO I WASN'T. Why don't you believe me?

** Sayid Jarrah: **Because Walt is on the raft, Shannon.

**Sawyer: **What if he's not, eh, Omar?

**The Producers: **STOP SPOILING LATER EPISODES!

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **is telling **Jack Shephard **about **The Numbers.**

** Jack Shephard **has commented.

**Jack Shephard: **Ok, man, it's ok. Not a big deal at all.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **is disappointed in **Jack Shephard's **reaction to **The Numbers**. He wishes that Jack had reacted more like **Danielle Rousseau.**

** Danielle Rousseau **likes this.

**Jack Shephard **and **Most of the Fuselage Survivors **are currently attending event **Jack Is Making An Epic Speech.**

** John Locke **dislikes this.

**Jack Shephard **has commented.

**Jack Shephard: ****hyperventilates** We're going to be ok, we're going to be ok, we're going to be ok. **regains control** IF WE DON'T LIVE TOGETHER, WE'RE GOING TO DIE ALONE!

**Kate Austen **likes this.

**John Locke **has joined the event **Jack Is Making An Epic Speech.**

** John Locke **has commented.

**John Locke: **I'm going down into the hatch.

**Kate Austen: **I'm joining John Locke.

**Jack Shephard: **Noooooo Kate stay with meeeeeeeeeee…

**John Locke **and **Kate Austen **are currently attending event **Going Into the Hatch.**

**A Sudden Burst of Light **has engulfed **The Hatch!**

**Kate Austen **has disappeared.

**John Locke **has commented.

**John Locke: **Oh well. Guess I'll have to find another redshirt to go down into the Hatch.

**Kate Austen: **I am not a redshirt! **puts on troubled look** Don't you dare call me a redshirt! I am IMPORTANT!

**Jack Shephard: **Yesssss you are…to meeeeeeeeeeee…

**The Audience: **THAT'S not creepy…

**Jack Shephard **is arming himself with GUNS so that he can save KATE.

**Jack Shephard **is in **The Hatch.**

** Jack Shephard **has commented.

**Jack Shephard: **Where are you guys? Come back! LIVE TOGETHER DIE ALONE!

**Jack Shephard **has discovered a mural with **The Numbers **painted on it.

**The Key **to **The Case Full of Guns **is attracted to **The Wall.**

**Jack Shephard **has found **The Apple II Computer.**

**John Locke **has found **Jack Shephard!**

** John Locke **has commented.

**John Locke: **Don't touch the computers, Jack!

**Jack Shephard: **WHERE'S KATE? LIVE TOGETHER DIE ALONE! WHERE'S KATE?

**Desmond Hume **is pointing a gun at **John Locke's **head.

**John Locke **has commented.

**John Locke: **Put the gun down, Jack.

**Jack Shephard: **WHERE'S KATE?

** Desmond Hume: **Put the gun down or I'll blow his head off brotha!

**Jack Shephard: **WHERE'S KATE? Locke, is this your "destiny"? To get shot in the head by an Irish guy who can't stop saying 'brother' but makes it sound like 'brotha'?

**Desmond Hume **has stepped out of the shadows.

**Jack Shephard **has commented.

**Jack Shephard: **You…

* * *

Dun dun DUN! cliffhanger hehehe. How do you guys feel about the new format, of one episode per chapter? The chapters are shorter but I'll be able to update faster...review and tell me what you thought of this chapter! Love always, Lily


	4. 2x2: Adrift

**Hey everybody! Sorry this one is kind of short - nothing important really happened in this episode so it had to be short. So, without further ado...2x2: ADRIFT!**

* * *

**Deep Voiced Guy: **_Previously, on Lost in Facebook…_

**Michael Dawson, Walt Lloyd, Sawyer, **and **Jin-Soo Kwon **are saying goodbye to everyone.

**Kate Austen **has commented.

**Kate Austen: **No! I didn't say goodbye to Sawyer!

**The Second Raft **is being ambushed, y'all!

**Walt Lloyd **has been taken by various **Others.**

** Michael Dawson **dislikes this.

**The Second Raft **has been blown up.

The group **The Others **likes this.

**The Hatch **has been blown open!

** Jack Shephard **has commented.

**Jack Shephard: **You!

* * *

**Desmond Hume – John Locke: **Are you him?

**John Locke – Desmond Hume: **Er…YES. I am…um…HIM.

**Ben Linus **has commented.

**Ben Linus: **No you're not!

**Alex Linus: **Now who's ruining season 3?

**Desmond Hume – John Locke: **What did one snowman say to another?

**John Locke – Desmond Hume: **What the heck are you smoking? Er, wait, I mean…uh…

**Desmond Hume – John Locke: **YOU'RE NOT HIM!

**Desmond Hume – Kate Austen: **Tie him up.

**John Locke **has commented.

**John Locke: **NO! Er…I mean…tie her up, she's a fugitive AND a redshirt!

**Kate Austen: **I don't mind being a fugitive – it makes me hot and mysterious as I wear troubled facial expressions. But I am NOT a redshirt!

**Kate Austen **has been locked in a dark room.

**Sawyer **and **Jack Shephard **dislike this.

**John Locke **likes this.

**Jack Shephard **has commented.

** Jack Shephard: **What's with that, man? Whatever happened to LIVE TOGETHER DIE ALONE?

**John Locke: **At least it's not me.

**Jack Shephard **is making a **Jackface.**

** The Audience **has commented.

**The Audience: **BAHAHAHA!

**Michael Dawson: **WAAAAALLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTT!

**Claire Littleton **has noticed a mysterious **Virgin Mary Statue **in **Charlie Pace's **bag.

**Charlie Pace **has commented.

**Charlie Pace: **Pay no mind to that, love, I'm not religious OR a druggie (God forbid!) I just like collecting ceramic statues of holy ladies!

**Claire Littleton: **…

**Kate Austen **has escaped **The Dark Room**.

**John Locke – Desmond Hume: ****out of breath from speaking for hours** so after the plane crashed and Kate made out with Sawyer and all the other important things happened, that's how we got here and what we've been doing.

**The Hatch **has created the page **The Button!**

**Desmond Hume, Kelvin (deceased), **and **Jack Shephard **dislike this.

**John Locke **and **Mr. Eko **like this.

**Jack Shephard **has commented.

** Jack Shephard: **Our side is obviously better because we have a dead guy on it!

**Man In Black: **Just wait, your side will have MANY more dead people on it as this show goes on.

**Boone Carlyle (deceased) **has liked the page **The Button.**

** John Locke **has commented.

**John Locke: **Oh yeah, now we have a dead guy on our side too!

**Boone Carlyle (deceased): **It's nice to know you still care, John.

**The Button **is beeping!

**Desmond Hume – John Locke:** ENTER THE NUMBERS INTO THE COMPUTER!

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **has commented.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **THE NUMBERS ARE BAD THE NUMBERS ARE BAD THE NUMBERS ARE BAD!

**John Locke: **Do you honestly think I memorized the numbers, Hatch Boy?

**The Reader: **Is it just me or did Locke just impersonate **Sawyer?**

** John Locke: **Whoops. What I meant was, what are the numbers, fellow man of faith?

**The Superfans: **…wait…John didn't memorize **The Numbers?**

** The Fans: **No…who does that?

**The Superfans: **…4 8 15 16 23 42!

**The Fans: **….

**John Locke **has entered **The Numbers **into **The Apple II Computer.**

_Meanwhile, back on __**The Blown Up Raftbook**__…_

**Sawyer **has revived **Michael Dawson**.

**Michael Dawson **has commented.

**Michael Dawson: **WAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLTTTTTT!

**Sawyer **has pulled a bullet out of his shoulder with his bare hands, yo! Am I a beast or what?

The group** Sawyer's Fangirls **have commented.

**Sawyer's Fangirls: **He's so hotttttttttttttttt

**Kate Austen: **Yesssssssssss he issssssssss.

**Jack Shephard: **Hey! Not cool, Kate!

**Michel Dawson: **WAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLTTTTT!

**The Fans: **THAT might get annoying…

**The Wreckage of the Second Raft **has returned to **The Island!**

**Sawyer **has commented.

**Sawyer: **We're home!

**The Fans: **Oh no, he just called the island home…

**Michael Dawson: **WAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLTTTTT!

**Jin-Soo Kwon **has run out of the woods.

**Jin-Soo Kwon **has commented.

**Jin-Soo Kwon: **UDDERS! UDDERS!

_Meanwhile, back in __**The HatchBook.**_

**Jack Shephard **has arrived.

**Desmond Hume **is pointing a gun at **John Locke's **head.

**John Locke **has commented.

**John Locke: **Put the gun down, Jack.

**Jack Shephard: **WHERE'S KATE?

** Desmond Hume: **Put the gun down or I'll blow his head off brotha!

**Jack Shephard: **WHERE'S KATE? Locke, is this your "destiny"? To get shot in the head by an Irish guy who can't stop saying 'brother' but makes it sound like 'brotha'?

**Desmond Hume **has stepped out of the shadows.

**Jack Shephard **has commented.

**Jack Shephard: **You…

** The Fans: **Wait…isn't that how the last episode ended?

**The Reader: **Wait…isn't that exactly how the last chapter of this fanfic ended?

**Fourth Wall: **I'VE BEEN BROKEN!

**Michael Dawson: **WAAAALLLLLLLLLTTTTT!

* * *

**So, what did you think? Please review and tell me! Love always, Lily**


	5. 2x3: Orientation

_Welcome back to Lost In Facebook. Here is 2x3: Orientation! Enjoy!_

* * *

**Deep Voiced Guy: **_Previously, on Lost in Facebook…_

**The Key **is attracted to **The Wall!**

**The Wreckage of the Second Raft **has returned to **The Island!**

**Sawyer **has commented.

**Sawyer: **We're home!

**The Fans: **Oh no, he just called the island home…

**Michael Dawson: **WALLLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTTT!

**Jin-Soo Kwon **has run out of the woods.

**Jin-Soo Kwon **has commented.

**Jin-Soo Kwon: **UDDERS! UDDERS!

**Desmond Hume **is pointing a gun at **John Locke's **head.

**John Locke **has commented.

**John Locke: **Put the gun down, Jack.

**Jack Shephard: **WHERE'S KATE?

** Desmond Hume: **Put the gun down or I'll blow his head off brotha!

**Jack Shephard: **WHERE'S KATE? Locke, is this your "destiny"? To get shot in the head by an Irish guy who can't stop saying 'brother' but makes it sound like 'brotha'?

**Desmond Hume **has stepped out of the shadows.

**Jack Shephard **has commented.

**Jack Shephard: **You…

**The Fans: **Ok, how many times are we going to see this clip?

* * *

**Kate Austen **has used the distraction of the standoff to get and load a gun.

**Sawyer **has commented.

**Sawyer: **You go, Freckles! Have an epic moment – then come make out with me when you're done.

**Jack Shephard **dislikes this.

**Jack Shephard: **LIVE TOGETHER DIE ALONE! You can't separate me and Kate! If she and I don't live together, we're going to die alone!

**The Fans: **Wow, that speech is so much less epic now that Jack revealed it was just about Kate.

**Kate Austen **has hit **Desmond Hume **on the head with the butt of her gun!

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Sawyer **has commented.

**Sawyer: **That was beast, Freckles.

** Desmond Hume: **Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! AAAAAHHHHH! NOW I MUST FIRE THE GUN RANDOMLY!

** The Apple II Computer **dislikes this.

**The Apple II Computer **has been severely damaged.

**Desmond Hume **has commented.

**Desmond Hume: **We're all gonna die, brotha! We're all gonna die! The world is going to end brotha! We're all gonna die! FIX THE COMPUTER, DARN IT – BROTHA!

**Kate Austen: **SAYID could fix it.

**John Locke: **Go get him, redshirt.

**Kate Austen: **I AM NOT A REDSHIRT!

**Desmond Hume **is describing his epic backstory which would take way too long to describe in this fanfiction!

**Fourth Wall: **AHHH! WHY DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP BREAKING ME?

**The Button **now must be pushed every 108 minutes.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **THE NUMBERS ARE BAD THE NUMBERS ARE BAD THE NUMBERS ARE BAD!

**John Locke **and **Jack Shephard **are currently attending event **Watching a Dharma Film.**

**John Locke **has added the Dharma Film **Orientation **to his **Favorite Movies List**.

**Jack Shephard **dislikes this.

**Jack Shephard **has commented.

**Jack Shephard: **Dang that movie was dumb! No plot or anything! Seriously. There weren't even any hot girls!

**John Locke: **…what?

**Jack Shephard: **Um, I mean, this must be a social experiment! I am a man of SCIENCE, and this is completely ridiculous.

**John Locke: **No, Jack! We must believe everything this movie says! The world is going to END if we don't.

**Jack Shephard: **…

**Desmond Hume **is trying to power up **The Apple II Computer.**

**The Apple II Computer **has blown a fuse!

**Desmond Hume **is having a panic attack.

**Desmond Hume **has commented.

**Desmond Hume: **Gotta go, see you in another life brotha!

**Sayid Jarrah **has repaired **The Apple II Computer.**

** Sayid Jarrah **has commented.

**Sayid Jarrah: **The fact that I am Iraqi is not stereotypical. The fact that I am an ex-terrorist is slightly stereotypical. The fact that I am a total technically skilled person now makes me extremely stereotypical!

**John Locke **is typing **The Numbers **into **The Apple II Computer.**

** Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **has commented.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **THE NUMBERS ARE BAD THE NUMBERS ARE BAD THE NUMBERS ARE BAD! …wait a minute…am I ever going to get any other lines?

** John Locke: **Jack has to be the one to punch the numbers into the computer.

**Jack Shephard: **What? No! Just doing that would go against my Man of Science beliefs!

**John Locke: **The fact that you have beliefs makes you a Man of Faith. So push the dang button.

**Jack Shephard: **WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR YOU TO BELIEVE?

**John Locke: **IT'S NEVER BEEN EASY!

**Jack Shephard **has pushed the button.

**John Locke: **Yesss…yes…

**Michael Dawson: **See, I told you that this guy is creepy!

** John Locke: **I'll take the first button shift.

**Michael Dawson, Jin-Soo Kwon, **and **Sawyer **are currently attending event **Being Chased By The Others!**

**Ben Linus **has commented.

**Ben Linus: **They're not The Others! WE'RE –

**Alex Linus: **Shut up Dad, you're totally ruining season three! – er – two! Wait, this is season two…um…

**Michael Dawson, Jin-Soo Kwon, **and **Sawyer **have been knocked out by **The Udders.**

**Michael Dawson, Jin-Soo Kwon, **and **Sawyer **are in a pit.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez **has been thrown into the pit.

**Sawyer **has commented.

**Sawyer: **Hey hot lips.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez: **We were all on the plane! We can be all buddy-buddy now! Oh wait, that's totally out of character for me. Let's start over. Hey. I'm Ana-Lucia. I'm tough.

**Sawyer: **Ok, let's make stupid plans trying to get out of here!

**Ana-Lucia Cortez **is calling for the guard.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez **has commented.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez: **Oops, did I forget to tell you? I'm on their team.

* * *

_So, what did you think? I liked that one. Review and tell me what you think! Love always, Lily  
_


	6. 2x4: Everybody Hates Hugo

_Hey hey hey everybody! I'm updating so much today I'm scaring myself. :) Without further ado, here is one of my favorite Lost episodes ever: 2x4, Everybody Hates Hugo:_

* * *

**Deep Voiced Guy: **_Previously, on Lost in Facebook…_

**Charlie Pace **is collecting messages for the message bottle!

**Jin-Soo Kwon – Sawyer **and **Michael Dawson**: UDDERS! UDDERS!

**Michael Dawson, Jin-Soo Kwon, **and **Sawyer **have been knocked out by **The Udders.**

**Michael Dawson, Jin-Soo Kwon, **and **Sawyer **are in a pit.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez **has been thrown into the pit.

**Sawyer **has commented.

**Sawyer: **Hey hot lips.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez: **We were all on the plane! We can be all buddy-buddy now! Oh wait, that's totally out of character for me. Let's start over. Hey. I'm Ana-Lucia. I'm tough.

**Sawyer: **Ok, let's make stupid plans trying to get out of here!

**Ana-Lucia Cortez **has taken **Sawyer's **gun.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez **is calling for the guard.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez **has commented.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez: **Oops, did I forget to tell you? I'm on their team.

* * *

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **is eating all the food in The Hatch.

**Jin-Soo Kwon **and **The Man In The Chicken Suit **are currently attending event **Confronting Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes.**

**Jin-Soo Kwon – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes**: Hi there, Hurley.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Jin-Soo Kwon**: Jin, you're here.

**Jin-Soo Kwon – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes**: I sure am.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Jin-Soo Kwon**: Dude, you speak English.

**Jin-Soo Kwon – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes**: No, you're speaking Korean.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Jin-Soo Kwon**: 나? [Subtitle: I am?]

**The Chicken Man – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **BAWK!

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Jin-Soo Kwon**: 저 친구 여기서 뭐하는거야? [Subtitle: What's he doing here?]

**Jin-Soo Kwon – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes**: Everything's going to change.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Jin-Soo Kwon**: 뭐? [Subtitle: What?]

**Jin-Soo Kwon – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes**: Everything's going to change. Have a cluckity-cluck-cluck day, Hugo.

**Chicken Man – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **I have Kate's voice!

** The Audience **has commented.

**The Audience: **What the heck just happened.

**Kate Austen **is waking up Hurley.

**The Audience: **That was a dream? Dang it. I thought Jin could speak English! His inability to do so is getting obnoxious.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **is unhappy with his new job of rationing out the food. So unhappy that he's having nightmares about it.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **is entering **The Numbers **into **The Apple II Computer.**

_Meanwhile, in The Hole In the Ground…_

**Sawyer: **Well this sucks. I'm thirsty.

**Michael Dawson **has commented.

**Michael Dawson: **This only sucks because you need a glass of water, not because we're in a prison?

**Jin-Soo Kwon: **나를 올려 줘. 어서! 포기 하지 마

**Sawyer: **We are not doing a human pyramid! What do you think I am, a cheerleader?

**Kate Austen **likes this.

** Kate Austen: **Can't wait to see you in a miniskirt.

**Jack Shephard **dislikes this.

_Meanwhile, back at The Beach…_

**Charlie Pace – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **So…what's in the hatch? Don't worry, nobody will hear you, it's just me, you, and me and Claire's baby – er, I mean, it's me, you, and the baby.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Charlie Pace: **Uhhh…nothing dude.

**Charlie Pace – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **How could you lie to me? I'M A BLOODY ROCK GOD! Whoops, wrong script. I mean, how could you possibly lie to an adorable baby?

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Charlie Pace: **Dude, babies don't understand what you're saying.

**Charlie Pace – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **Whatever man. You're going to lie to me?

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Charlie Pace: **Dude, I wouldn't lie. I'm a terrible liar, as you and the rest of the audience have probably noticed.

**Charlie Pace – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **What about the time you said you were worth millions of dollars?

**Aaron Littleton – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **Goo goo gah gah.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Charlie Pace: **How does the baby have Facebook? And by the way, it's 156 million.

**Charlie Pace – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **I'm sorry, I must have confused it with the 900 trillion I am worth myself. And this baby's made of chocolate lollipops. So, if you'll excuse us, I'm going to flap my wings and fly off this Island!

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **is upset because his one friend ditched him for a baby.

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **has commented.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **That's really uncool.

**Sawyer: **Well what did you expect, Stay Puft?

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **and **Rose Nadler **are currently attending event **Having a Heart To Heart Talk About Laundry and Food.**

**Charlie Pace **has commented.

**Charlie Pace: **What's with all these people creating ruddy long even titles?

**Boone Carlyle (deceased): **One of them is going to die now. If your event title is too long, the producers will kill you off.

**The Producers: **That is an unconfirmed myth! We haven't debunked it yet!

**Boone Carlyle (deceased): **…

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **thinks he is losing control of rationing the items in The Hatch.

**John Locke **is currently attending event **Another Jungle Trek.**

** Charlie Pace **has commented.

**Charlie Pace: **Why is everyone keeping me in the dark? I'm not a baby! Even though I hang out with babies. I SAVE babies! I'm the bloody fan favorite! Why can't I be part of **The A-Team?**

**John Locke: **What's this about, Charlie?

**Charlie Pace: **What's in the hatch?

**Jack Shephard **and **Sayid Jarrah **are having a conversation about the electromagnetic field wall, which will be forgotten by everyone by the next episode.

_Meanwhile, back on the other side of the island…_

**Sawyer **is alone in the pit.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez – Sawyer: **Get out of the pit, redneck.

**Sawyer – Ana-Lucia Cortez: **What about my friends?

** Michael Dawson **and **Jin-Soo Kwon **like this.

**Michael Dawson – Sawyer: **Yo man, we're friends now! Let's jump up and down man! WALLLLLLLLT!

**Ana-Lucia Cortez **has stepped on **Sawyer's **shoulder.

**Sawyer **has commented.

**Sawyer: **Listen, Latin Persuasion, everyone already hates you and thinks your vindictive. You don't have to step on people's shoulders. It'll only make the fans hate you more.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez: **Listen up. Everyone does what I say or they die.

**The Fans: **That's lovely.

**Goodwin (deceased): **IT'S TRUE!

**The Fans: **Who the heck are you?

**Ana-Lucia Cortez, Sawyer, Jin-Soo Kwon, Michael Dawson, **and the group **The Tailies/The Udders **are currently attending event **Yet Another Jungle Trek.**

** The Fans **have commented.

**The Fans: **I'm starting to think that half of this show is going to consist of "LET'S GO INTO THE JUNGLE! BRING THE GUNS!"

_Meanwhile, back at the event __**Another Jungle Trek…**_

**Charlie Pace – John Locke: **So we just push this button every 108 minutes?

**John Locke – Charlie Pace: **That's right.

**Charlie Pace – John Locke: **That's stupid.

**John Locke – Charlie Pace: **Don't insult my faith.

**Charlie Pace – John Locke: **…ok…what does Hurley do?

**John Locke – Charlie Pace: **Hugo manages the food.

**Charlie Pace **has left the event **Another Jungle Trek.**

** John Locke **has commented.

**John Locke: **What did I say?

**Charlie Pace – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **I know everything about the hatch now *smug smile* Locke told me.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Charlie Pace: **Well uh…um…dude…Locke…he, uh, lies.

**Charlie Pace – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **Don't pretend you don't know that I know about everything you know about the hatch because Locke told me everything he knows and now I know everything Locke knows which is more than you know.

**The Audience **has commented.

** The Audience: **…what? Did anyone understand that?

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Charlie Pace: **What do you want dude

**Charlie Pace – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **Peanut butter.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Charlie Pace: **Say what?

**Charlie Pace – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **Don't ever say that again. You're not Hannah Montana. Anyways, I need peanut butter so Claire will love me.

**Claire Littleton **likes this.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Charlie Pace: **No way dude.

**Charlie Pace – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes**: You know, I never thought this would happen but it did. You've become one of them.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Charlie Pace**: One of them?

**Charlie Pace – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes**: Them – the man...management! I thought we were friends. You've changed, man.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Charlie Pace: **I thought we stopped being friends when you ditched me for an Aussie chick and a baby.

**Charlie Pace **is stalking off angrily.

**Sayid Jarrah **and **Jack Shephard **are having another useless conversation.

**Kate Austen **has stepped out of the shower in a towel.

**Jack Shephard **is drooling.

** Kate Austen **has commented.

**Kate Austen: **Oh dear! There is no way that I wanted you to see me right now! Oh no, whatever shall I do? *sarcasm*

_Meanwhile, back on the other side of the island…_

**Libby Smith – Michael Dawson: **Hey, I'm a Tailie. All my people died. Except for like 5 of us.

**Michael Dawson – Libby Smith: **The Others took my son. Life sucks. WAAAALLLLLLLLLT!

_Meanwhile, back at the beach._

**Claire Littleton **and **Shannon Rutherford **are currently attending event **Breaking the News To Sun That We Found The Message Bottle.**

** Boone Carlyle (deceased) **has commented.

**Boone Carlyle: **Shannon! What did I tell you about posting long event names?

**Shannon Rutherford: **You're dead and I still can't escape your obnoxiousness.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – John Locke: **Why'd you tell Charlie? That's uncool man.

**John Locke – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **Because he asked, Hugo. I'm a man of faith. I don't believe in lying. So I told Charlie.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – John Locke**: Yeah, well you shouldn't have. You should have listened to me about coming down here, period. Now it's all going to change, everything.

**John Locke – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes**: Change is good, Hugo.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – John Locke**: You know, people say that, but it's not true, man. Trust me, I know. And guess who gets to be the bad guy who has to say: no you can't have peanut butter for the cute blonde and her poor Island baby. You know who? It's me. You know what? I'm not going to do it. Find someone else to deal with the chow, man.

**John Locke – Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **You can't quit.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – John Locke: **Crap dang it.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **is going crazy with pressure and is about to blow up all of the food that Lostaways have.

**Everyone **dislikes this.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes **has thought better of the dynamite idea and has handed out the food.

**Everyone **likes this.

**Charlie Pace **has commented.

**Charlie Pace: **We can be friends again, mate.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: **Thanks dude.

* * *

_So what did you all think? If anyone can name the four times I used real conversations from the show, they will get a special mention in the next chapter! Review and tell me what you think, and guess about which four convos are real! Love always, Lily_


	7. 2x5: And Found

**Hey everybody! Here is the next chapter! 2x05: ...And Found! Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter! Hope you enjoy this one!**

* * *

**Deep Voiced Man: **_Previously, on Lost in Facebook…_

**Michael Dawson, Jin-Soo Kwon, **and **Sawyer **are in a pit.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez **has been thrown into the pit.

**Sawyer **has commented.

**Sawyer: **Hey hot lips.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez: **We were all on the plane! We can be all buddy-buddy now! Oh wait, that's totally out of character for me. Let's start over. Hey. I'm Ana-Lucia. I'm tough.

**Sawyer: **Ok, let's make stupid plans trying to get out of here!

**Ana-Lucia Cortez **has taken **Sawyer's **gun.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez **is calling for the guard.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez **has commented.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez: **Oops, did I forget to tell you? I'm on their team.

**Everyone: **HOW MANY MORE TIMES ARE WE GOING TO SEE THIS?

* * *

**The 23 Tailies **have been reduced to **The 5 Tailies.**

**Sun-Hwa Kwon **is having a panic attack.

**Claire Littleton **has commented.

**Claire Littleton: **What's wrong?

**Sun-Hwa Kwon: **My wedding ring! It is missing!

**The Missing Wedding Ring: **Hello everyone! I am a plot device!

**Sun-Hwa Kwon **is frantically searching for her wedding ring!

**Jack Shephard **has commented.

**Jack Shephard: **Don't worry, I lost my wedding ring too. You see, I was married to this girl named Sarah and she was HOT, man. But then I lost the ring, bought a replacement, and she never knew. But then she wanted a divorce because I made out with one of my client's daughters and I thought Sarah was cheating on me with my dad and –

**The Producers: **Shut up, Jack! This is not YOUR centric episode. This is SUN and JIN'S centric episode! SO SHUT UP!

**Jack Shephard: **But – but…I have a pathological need for attention…

**The Fourth Wall: **I should just stop hanging around you all. Being broken is not fun.

**Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes – Sun-Hwa Kwon: **Don't sweat it, dude. I'm sure Vincent ate it. He'll poop it out soon and we'll find it. My dog once ate my wallet and then crapped out a buck thirty-five in nickels. So we'll just follow Vincent around, and when he poops, we'll go through it.

**Vincent **dislikes this.

**Vincent **has commented.

**Vincent: **You two will go through my doggy droppings when hell freezes over.

**Sun-Hwa Kwon **is ripping apart her garden for no apparent reason.

**John Locke **has commented.

** John Locke: **I'm going to give a speech about finding yourself and not looking for things and anger management and faith and destiny.

**The Audience: **Shut up, Locke. NOBODY CARES.

**Kate Austen **is consoling **Sun-Hwa Kwon.**

**Sun-Hwa Kwon **and **Jack Shephard **like this.

**Jack Shephard **has commented.

**Jack Shephard: **That's really hot, Kate.

**Sawyer **dislikes this.

**Kate Austen **is digging up **The Bottle Full of Messages.**

** Sun-Hwa Kwon **has commented.

**Sun-Hwa Kwon: **INVASION OF PRIVACY!

**Kate Austen: ***sobs* I never said goodbye to Sawyer.

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Sawyer: **Awww, Freckles, you miss me? Told you we had a connection.

**Jack Shephard **dislikes this.

**Sun-Hwa Kwon **has found her wedding ring!

**The Audience **has commented.

**The Audience: **That was a really pointless storyline…

**The Storyline: **Don't insult me! Insult the stupid writers!

_Meanwhile, on The Other Side of the Island…_

**Ana-Lucia – Tailies + Michael, Jin, & Sawyer: **Ok guys, it's time to take a hike.

**Sawyer **has commented.

**Sawyer: **Awww…do I HAVE to?

**Michael Dawson: **I'll go if we can have a snack break.

**Jin-Soo Kwon: **UDDERS!

**Libby Smith: **So long as I don't have to manage the potty break, let's go!

**Jin-Soo Kwon **has caught a lot of fish.

**Libby Smith – Tailies: **MICHAEL RAN AWAY!

**Sawyer **has commented.

**Sawyer: **Good riddance.

**Ana-Lucia Cortez: **Agreed.

**Jin-Soo Kwon: **UDDERS!

**Mr. Eko: **I will look for Michael with Jin.

**Mr. Eko **and **Jin-Soo Kwon **are currently attending event **Looking for Michael.**

**Jin-Soo Kwon **has encountered **Goodwin's **dead body!

**Jin-Soo Kwon **has commented.

**Jin-Soo Kwon: **Udders?

** Mr. Eko: **Yes, Others.

The group **The Others **has a teddy bear!

**The Audience: **Ummm…ok? What's the deal with that?

**Jin-Soo Kwon **has found **Michael Dawson!**

** Michael Dawson **has commented.

**Michael Dawson: **WAAAAALLLLLLLT!

* * *

**Sorry that one wasn't so long. I don't know, I've always found this episode kind of pointless. I didn't really like it. So this chapter was kind of hard for me to write. But ANYWAYS, the next chapter should be better. Please review and tell me what you thought! Love always, Lily**


	8. IMPORTANT NOTE

**Hey hey hey everybody! Just needed to tell you all - I changed my pen name from .Alice to Violet Scarlet Lily. So I thought the best way to reach everyone so that I don't lose any of my minimal fan base was to post this in all of my multi-chapter stories. Sorry for making you all think this was an actual chapter - but I had to let you all know.**

**So spread the word - if anyone (it'd be a miracle), but if anyone is looking for me, I am now Violet Scarlet Lily. **

**But I am the same Lily. It's complicated.**

**Anyways, I should be updating most of my stories soon!**

**See ya!**

**Love always, **

**Lily  
**


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